


Morning and Night

by FleetofShippyShips



Series: Conversations [4]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Era, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 21:24:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9142864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FleetofShippyShips/pseuds/FleetofShippyShips
Summary: With a new dynamic to his relationship with Arthur, Merlin expects everything to have changed, while realising that not much actually has. That should make it easier, but really, it only makes it more confusing to know what he can and can't do now.





	

When Merlin woke, his arm was aching something awful. The rest of him was warm and comfortable, and for a moment, he decided to ignore his arm and burrow further into that warmth. A moment later, and he suddenly remembered why his arm was hurting, and why he was so comfortable. Wincing, he took stock of his body. Those were definitely arms around him. As nice as it was, he couldn’t believe he’d actually fallen asleep in Arthur’s arms.

Even though getting up was the last thing he wanted to do, he started trying to extricate himself. No doubt the royal prat would wake soon and demand breakfast. Merlin flushed as he wondered how he could possibly pretend for even one moment that they hadn’t kissed, and go about things as if everything was normal. Nothing felt normal. He’d gone from not even knowing that kissing Arthur was a possibility, to wanting to do it again. How was he even going to look at him?

Before he managed to get free, Arthur’s arms tightened around him.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Arthur said, and Merlin winced at how awake he sounded. Had the silly prat not slept at all? “I still haven’t dismissed you.”

Merlin allowed himself to be shifted a little, until he was resting his head on Arthur’s chest. Any discomfort he felt at the unfamiliar situation, and the uncertainty of their future interactions, faded the moment he heard Arthur’s heart beating steadily below his ear. After everything that had happened in the past few days, the danger they had been in, it was a welcome sound.

“I was going to get you breakfast,” Merlin murmured, closing his eyes again and listening to the steady beat of his heart. “We can’t all lie about all day, some of us have work to do.”

A hand slid into Merlin’s hair, and he stiffened for a moment, before relaxing with a sigh. Arthur rubbed circles into his scalp, and it felt delightful. That answered Merlin’s concerns about how much of their nightly confessions were due to the stressful situation Arthur was in. For him to touch Merlin in that way, to be holding him, in the light of day, it only confirmed everything he’d been saying.

“Someone’s already done your job for you,” Arthur said, shifting his hand to brush his thumb down the shell of Merlin’s ear, and along his jaw.

Merlin shivered, tilting his head into the caress until Arthur was cupping his jaw. A moment later, his words registered, and he sat up fast enough that Arthur’s grip on him failed. Blinking across the room, he took note of the breakfast set on the table, enough for two.

If someone had brought them breakfast, that meant they’d seen Merlin in Arthur’s bed, in his arms.

“Relax,” Arthur said, tugging at him, “it was Gwen.”

Merlin turned, looking at Arthur for the first time since waking. He looked wide awake, considering he’d probably stayed awake all through the night. Mostly, he looked relaxed, but there was a slightly guarded pull about his eyes that made Merlin want to reach out and touch him. Swallowing, he realised he could. That was something he could do now, without having to think of an excuse.

“She went to Gaius this morning to check on you,” Arthur continued, only looking more guarded the longer Merlin just sat there staring at him. “Gaius said you hadn’t come back to your room, and she said she went to fetch breakfast before anyone else could.”

“She’s a smart girl,” Merlin said, wondering what she’d thought of what she had seen, and whether she was surprised by it. If she had been, surely Arthur would have said. Surely he would look worried if it was a problem.

“She is.”

Merlin swallowed again, and shuffled closer. Reaching out with a surprising steady hand, he brushed the pads of his fingers under Arthur’s eyes. Aside from a slight hitch in his breathing, and the relaxing of a few furrows around his brow, Arthur didn’t move.

“Did you sleep at all?”

Arthur grimaced, and that was answer enough.

“You need rest,” Merlin said, moving off the bed quickly, before Arthur could stop him. “You also need food.”

Arthur made an annoyed, huffing sound behind him. There was a rustle of fabric, and Merlin whirled around, jabbing a finger at him.

“Stay where you are!”

Arthur, half raising himself up ready to move, raised an eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?”

Merlin flushed. He wondered for a moment if last night’s kisses had increased his boldness, but then, he’d always snapped at Arthur when they were alone. Would that change? Could he still do that? Arthur didn’t look angry, he looked more amused than anything. That was fairly normal too.

“That leg needs rest,” Merlin said, turning back to the table to collect his plate.

“How’s your arm?” Arthur asked, ignoring the comment about his leg, but making no further attempt to leave his bed.

Merlin scowled. Instinctively, he wanted to snap about not being weak, but there was a strain in Arthur’s voice, so he refrained. Out of everyone in their scouting party, Merlin was the only one Arthur knew for sure was alive. Merlin’s wound had been quite dirtied before he’d managed to find water to clean it, and then get back to Gaius. It did hurt, but not in a way that worried him.

As he carried Arthur’s plate over to him, he frowned. Was he always going to do that? Dampen his response to make Arthur feel better. Flushing again, he realised he already did that a lot, when Arthur was upset or injured. Really, nothing seemed to have changed, but suddenly, he was doubting everything. He didn’t like it.

Arthur took the plate from him, then looked over at the table.

“You need to eat as well. She brought some for you too,” he said, his tone commanding.

Merlin scowled at him. “I can’t just—”

“Merlin, you eat in front of me all the time,” Arthur scoffed. “There’s no need to stand on ceremony where you never cared for it before. Get your food, and get back in bed.”

Roaming his eyes over the bed again, Merlin did as he was told without argument. It was very comfortable, and he was suddenly realising how hungry he was. The pleased little smile on Arthur’s face, which he tried to hide behind his bread, might also have had something to do with it.

“Did you hear any riders arrive in the night?” Merlin asked cautiously, when they’d both finished eating. He didn’t want to remind Arthur that his knights were still out there, but he was also desperate for news.

Arthur tensed, and shook his head. Merlin sighed, and collected his plate, ready to get up again. Arthur stopped him with a hand on his wrist, taking the plates from him and tossing them to the end of the bed. Merlin swallowed nervously, and met his eyes.

“I want you here today,” Arthur said, in a tone that left no room for arguing.

Merlin glanced across the room to where Arthur’s muddy, bloodied armour lay in a pile. He should have tended to it last night, but seeing that Arthur’s leg was seen to had been far more important.

“I’ll just fetch some things to clean your armour with,” Merlin said, looking down to where Arthur gently held his right wrist. “I’ll clean it in here, so…so you’re not alone.”

Arthur grip tightened slightly, but then relaxed again.

“I’ll also fetch Gaius.”

“I’m fine,” Arthur said, tensing again.

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Don’t be a prat,” he said. “If my arm hurts, then your leg must be agony.”

Arthur’s eyes dropped to Merlin’s bandaged arm, and he released his wrist. Merlin got off the bed again, walking around and pushing Arthur back until he was lying down. The action earned him a glare, but no resistance.

“Stay exactly where you are,” he ordered. Suddenly realising Arthur may need to use the chamber pot, he averted his eyes. “Or, just, don’t put any weight on your leg at all if you can help it. I’ll be right back with Gaius.”

“You have some nerve, ordering me about,” Arthur said, although he mostly sounded amused. “I should put you in the stocks for that.”

Merlin grinned at him. “We had this conversation last night, I believe.”

“Yes, if I recall, we decided that there were plenty of other servants to fill your shoes and actually do your job better,” Arthur returned.

Merlin rolled his eyes and leaned down. Quickly, and half afraid he couldn’t, he kissed him.

“You won’t get that if I’m in the stocks,” he murmured.

Arthur, whose first reaction seemed one of pleasant surprise, scowled at his words. Instead of replying, he reached up, grabbing Merlin by his neckerchief and pulling him down for an altogether more passionate exchange.

Feeling rather dazed and in want of more when it was over, Merlin blinked down at him. Hovering close, with Arthur resting back on his pillow and looking breathless, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to leave.

“That’s more of an incentive not to send you to the stocks,” Arthur murmured. “I’ll have to find a new punishment for you, one that keeps you closer.”

Merlin felt himself flush with heat from Arthur’s tone, and the implications of his words.

“Now, since you’re leaving, clear the table while you’re at it,” Arthur said imperiously, giving him a little shove.

 

* * *

 

The mood about the castle was sombre as Merlin carried the breakfast things back to the kitchens. The cook gave him hell for shirking his duty that morning, but Merlin saw the way he eyed up the bandage on his arm, and pushed a few treats at him. Merlin didn’t buy the excuse of taste testing for Arthur, but he wasn’t about to complain about some free fancy food. Arthur usually shared with him anyway, but it was nice to have a treat without enduring mockery and insults first.

As he walked through the castle to grab his cleaning things and fetch Gaius, he noticed many more interested glances at him. He supposed everyone was gossiping. For Arthur and his manservant to return and leave all the knights behind was against everything they knew of their prince. The constant staring as he moved through the castle made him feel guilty. Even though he didn’t regret saving Arthur’s life, he did feel bad for the knights left behind. There was still no word of them.

It didn’t even cross his mind that there would be any gossip about him staying the night in Arthur’s quarters, at first. It couldn’t be too unusual that Merlin would stay with him while he was injured, to care for him. But, the more time he spent with eyes on him, the more he wondered if anyone suspected. He had never considered the motives behind Arthur’s behaviour and words until he had made it so plain, but perhaps someone else had seen. Perhaps someone else knew.  Looking back, Arthur had not been restrained in touching him often. Although it was all so innocent, the amount of times it had happened might have made people notice when Merlin hadn’t.

Leon’s awkwardness as he’d interrupted their conversation, and his reluctant comment about Arthur trusting Merlin, made more sense in that regard. Merlin flushed. Did all the knights know that Arthur...

Merlin let his thoughts trail off, not entirely sure exactly how to finish that thought. How was he to define what they were to each other now? He hadn’t really known before, how could he know now? Another thing he expected to have changed, yet it was still the same. Really, so far, it seemed the only difference that morning, compared to before Arthur had made himself more plain, was that his touches held more meaning, and apparently, Merlin could kiss him now.

“That’s a very dreamy expression, Merlin,” came a voice from in front of him, startling him into stepping back and yelping. “You must have had an exceptionally good sleep.”

Merlin felt as if his face was on fire as Gwen laughed at him. Arthur had been so relaxed about Gwen seeing them, which was surprising. Narrowing his eyes, he suddenly wondered if she might have known all along. How many people had seen Arthur’s affection before he had?

“You don’t sound surprised,” he accused.

Gwen frowned over the pile of bedding she was carrying. “Why would I be surprised?” she asked cautiously. “I admit, I didn’t expect you to be careless enough to stay when people would be checking in on him, but at the same time, it’s not unreasonable. I can’t imagine what you went through out there.”

Merlin stared at her agape. It sounded as if she’d thought they were more than prince and manservant all along. He wanted to ask, but he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know.

“Merlin?” she asked gently, when he didn’t respond. “Are you alright? Gaius said your wound was minor, but I suppose you must be shaken, waiting for news of the knights. We all are.”

“Has there been any news?” Merlin asked quickly, distracted from his embarrassment.

Gwen shook her head sadly. “Nothing yet, but Uther sent out more scouts at dawn, with a cart to bring back the wounded...or their bodies.”

Merlin swallowed as he felt cold rush through him. It wouldn’t come to that. They were well trained. Only, it hadn’t been a simple bandit ambush, that had become painfully obvious. Whatever they’d run into out there was much more serious.

“They’ll be fine,” he said, wishing he sounded more confident.

Gwen gave him a serious look, but nodded.

“I need to—”

“Of course,” Gwen interrupted, “Arthur must have you running about without rest. I’ll let you get back to it.”

Merlin frowned at her back as she walked away. Normally Arthur would have him running endless errands to keep him busy. Instead, he wanted Merlin to stay close to him. Was that a new change he could expect to continue? Was Arthur keeping him busy before so he wouldn't have to deal with those feelings? That made sense, he had said that he’d tried not to think about him.

Shaking his head, he left for Gaius’ quarters. He couldn’t afford to waste time thinking about it yet.

 

* * *

 

When Merlin returned to Arthur’s chambers, carrying things to wash his armour, Gaius walking beside him, Morgana was there. She was sitting on the edge of Arthur’s bed, talking quietly with him. At their entrance, she looked up. There were dark circles under her eyes, and Merlin recalled the nightmares she’d been having with increasing frequency before they’d left on that scouting mission. Pale and drawn, she looked like she hadn’t slept for days.

Placing a gentle hand on Arthur’s arm, she murmured something they couldn’t hear and then got up to leave. She nodded to Gaius, but stopped beside Merlin.

“I understand you are to thank for making him forget his foolish pride, and come back,” she said quietly.

Merlin looked past her in time to catch Arthur scowl.

“Just doing my duty,” he said, looking back at her. She looked terrible up close.

“Thank you,” she murmured, touching his arm with the same gentle touch, before leaving.

Frowning, he turned and watched the door close behind her. He’d had the strangest feeling when she’d touched him, like shivers erupting over him, and a strange urge to follow her.

Shaking his head, he settled next to Arthur’s armour and started cleaning it. Arthur wanted him nearby, he could worry about Morgana later. Gaius conferred with Arthur quietly, checked his leg, and gave him a tincture. Merlin lost himself in the repetitive task of cleaning, and allowed his mind to sink into the meditative state he sometimes used when his magic was feeling unruly.

After being on edge for days in the forest, and then the less dangerous, but just as worrying conversation with Arthur the night before, his magic was close to the surface. It had been easier to ignore out in the woods, but trapped inside the castle, surrounded by many more people, it was much harder to deal with. He felt jittery with it, like he needed to use it. It was a situation he’d been in from time to time, but he was in no position to vent it. Arthur wanted him close, and the guards would be on high alert. Meditation was all he had.

Sometime later, he came back to himself. Looking down, he saw he was finished cleaning Arthur’s armour. Sighing to himself, he set it aside, and pulled himself to his feet, groaning slightly from how stiff he’d gone. Looking around the room, it seemed like another servant had come in to tidy things, and he scowled, feeling oddly territorial. Gaius had long since left the room, and someone had brought and left food, enough for both of them. Probably Gwen.

Merlin shuffled over to Arthur’s bed. The prince was asleep, finally resting. Gaius had probably given him something for it. Merlin had made his disapproval of Arthur’s vigil plain when they’d walked up. If Gaius had given him something, he’d be asleep for a while yet. Merlin took the chance to sneak away for a wash. He was starting to smell something awful. Gaius and Merlin had cleaned Arthur up when they’d seen to his leg, but Merlin had put off cleaning himself up, even though Arthur had said he could do so right there while Gaius’ finished seeing to him that night. He had a few nasty bruises that he hadn’t let Arthur know about, and didn’t want him discovering while he was still so moody.

Gaius wasn’t around when he reached their quarters. Glad for the privacy, Merlin used his magic in what ways he could, levitating things, lighting and then dousing the fire. The jittery feeling in him lessened, lightening his step as he returned to Arthur’s rooms. But the castle was still tense, and he felt the heaviness return to his step all too soon, reminded suddenly that Arthur was not his only concern. They should have heard something by now.

With his heart once again heavy, he entered Arthur’s chambers.

Arthur was still sleeping. Merlin picked at some food, eyeing up the bed, wondering if he could rest there. It probably wasn’t wise. It was mid-afternoon. Anyone could enter. Servants came and went fairly freely. Arthur always locked his door when he didn’t want to be disturbed, and Merlin was too afraid to lock the door in case it slowed down the delivery of news.

Carefully assessing that Arthur was still sleep, Merlin levitated a chair to rest beside his bed. It was more to exercise his jittery magic than laziness, although it was soundless, so he avoided disturbing Arthur’s rest. Settling in, he ran his eyes over Arthur’s face. He looked calm and relaxed. The sight made Merlin sad. Once he woke, the situation would weigh Arthur down again.

 

* * *

 

Gwen brought dinner in as the sky darkened, casting them both an indulgent look. Arthur woke not long after that, and looked about the room almost in a panic before he noticed Merlin standing by the window. When he’d opened his mouth to speak, Uther had entered the room without warning. Arthur’s posture tensed, and he didn’t look at Merlin again as Uther updated him.

Merlin looked down at the courtyard through the window, listening. There was still no news, and his heart sank. Uther made Arthur go through it all again, trying to get a better sense of the location they were ambushed. By the time he was done, and had left again, Arthur’s expression was hard, and he was clenching the bedsheets in his fists.

Slowly, Merlin wandered over, settling back into his chair, and looking at him warily. Normally, he’d make an inappropriate joke, but he still felt wrong-footed by the change in their relationship. Instead, he reached out and gently rested a hand over the closest white-knuckled fist. Arthur stayed tense for a moment, and then the fist relaxed under Merlin’s hand, releasing the sheet.

“We should have had word by now,” Arthur said, his tone angry.

“We’ll get word when we get it,” Merlin said, stroking his thumb over the back of Arthur’s hand.

Arthur’s eyes dropped to their hands. Merlin wondered if he should feel embarrassed for making such a gesture, but Arthur’s eyes softened.

“Where did you go?” Arthur asked.

“When you were sleeping? Did you wake? I just went to wash. I do have some concept of hygiene, you know.”

“No, when you were cleaning my armour,” Arthur said, meeting his eyes. “You went somewhere. You didn’t respond to being called. Gaius said you do that sometimes. Where did you go?”

Merlin tensed. Arthur frowned.

There was a heavy silence, as Merlin tried to think of a lie. He was a servant, what need did he have of meditation?

“I needed to clear my head,” he said softly, after a time. He dropped his eyes to their hands. Arthur had not stopped the gentle caress of his thumb, so he continued, turning Arthur’s hand over to stroke the lines on his palm. He’d never really thought of touching his hands before. It was a bit of girly gesture really, one the girls in his village been gone for. Still, Arthur didn’t stop him.

“I didn’t think you had enough in your head to clear,” he quipped playfully.

Merlin scowled at him, and the tension was broken.

“Bring me some food, would you?”

Merlin stomped across the to the table, and returned with his dinner. Arthur gave the other plate a pointed look.

“I’ve eaten,” Merlin huffed, watching him eat. He looked to be in less discomfort than the morning. “Did Gaius give you anything to take with dinner?”

Arthur made a disgusted expression, and gestured at a vial on the table. Merlin smirked, and brought it over to him, making sure he drank it all, before taking all the dinner things back to the table, gathering them up to take down to the kitchens.

“Leave them,” Arthur said. “Gwen will deal with them in the morning.”

Merlin swallowed, looking back. “I can take them on my way…”

The look on Arthur’s face said it all, and Merlin gave up. He didn’t particularly want to spend the night away from Arthur anyway. Not while he was wounded. Not while the knights were weighing so heavily on his mind.

He walked back over to the bed slowly. Arthur’s expression tensed, like he wasn’t sure what Merlin would do. Merlin wasn’t sure either. He didn’t think Arthur would be so unsure himself. It made everything more awkward, harder to understand.

Trying not to overthink it, he toed off his boots, and climbed into bed with him, on the other side.

“More comfortable than sleeping in a chair,” he muttered. He could scarcely believe he could just climb into bed with Arthur, as if it was normal.

Arthur relaxed again. Merlin frowned over at him. The shadows cast by the candles and firelight made Arthur harder to read, but it almost seemed like he had expected Merlin to have changed his mind about them. It was as if all of his confidence had disappeared while he’d slept. If anyone should have changed their mind, it should be Arthur, not Merlin.

Shuffling closer, and feeling his heart stutter at the way Arthur looked at him, Merlin reached down to where Arthur’s fist was clenching the sheets again.

“You sure you want me to stay again?” he asked.

“I didn’t dismiss you, did I?” Arthur snapped.

Merlin shook his head slowly, eyes roaming over Arthur’s face.

“What happened to all that—”

“Things are a lot less tense now than they were,” Arthur interrupted, clearly knowing what Merlin was going to say.

Merlin exhaled slowly. He’d hardly known how to act the night before, when Arthur had known what he was doing and what he was saying. Now, with Arthur backtracking, and losing confidence, Merlin didn’t know what to do. Perhaps it was the lies. Arthur wasn’t a fool. His question about Merlin’s mediation probably meant he had noticed it wasn’t normal. He was probably thinking about Merlin’s secrets again.

“You should—”

“I slept all day,” Arthur said shortly. “I’ve had enough rest. We might get word in the night.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, and shuffled closer again. Arthur’s eyes tracked his movement, and he seemed to relax again when Merlin settled against the headboard next to him, their shoulders touching.

“I wasn’t having doubts,” Merlin said, his heart in his throat. The silences made him anxious, he felt he had to say something, but all he had to say were secrets. “I was meditating.”

Arthur turned to look at him, but Merlin kept his eyes fixed in the candles burning on the table.

“Why?”

Merlin shrugged, the motion making their shoulders rub together. The contact comforted him. Arthur had still not pushed him away.

“A lot has happened over the last few days. It’s been hard. It helps.”

Arthur was silent for several moments.

“I didn’t think you were having doubts.”

“You did,” Merlin replied without thought, turning to look at him.

Arthur scowled at him. “You can’t tell me what I was doing! I’m the prince!”

Merlin grinned. “When has that ever stopped me?”

Arthur maintained his scowl for all of a few moments, before it crumbled into an affectionate look.

Without thinking, Merlin leaned over, brushing their lips gently together for a moment, before pulling away.

“I always knew you liked me being insubordinate.”

Arthur’s eyes were fixed on his lips, and Merlin realised his error. Once wasn’t enough.

Arthur’s hand slid into Merlin’s hair when he kissed him again, as if to hold him in place. It was hardly necessary. They kissed with a fervour bordering on desperation. It was a perfect distraction from everything that was still wrong, and it felt so good to be close to him in that way. Arthur gave way to him so naturally, not fighting him at all. Merlin had him resting back so easily, mouth opening to the caress of his tongue. He hardly knew what he was doing, but Arthur was clutching at his hair and the back of his shirt, pulling him closer, pulling him down.

It was only as Merlin felt a jittery feeling so similar to his magic that he was afraid it would burst free from him, that he pulled back. Arthur made a displeased sound, following him up. Merlin whined into his mouth, worried about his magic acting without his consent. He slowed the kiss, breaking away to kiss Arthur’s cheek, his jaw, his neck, before returning to his mouth. Keeping it slow, and shallow, he tried to slow them down.

“You’re still wounded,” he said breathlessly, as Arthur’s hands slid down his sides, trying to tug him closer again.

Arthur made an angry, displeased sound, pressing their foreheads together and breathing heavily. Merlin took a moment to catch his breath, his eyes still closed, worried they may be glowing. He wasn’t sure how much of that jittery feeling racing through him was arousal, and how much was his magic wanting to burst free. He wasn’t ready to find out.

Still, he couldn’t stop himself from kissing Arthur again, or pressing him back. Arthur was pulling him closer, hands drifting over his back, and then his hips. Merlin balanced on his knees, careful not to put any weight on Arthur, wary of hurting his leg. He took Arthur’s wrists, and pinned them by his head so he couldn’t pull at him again.

Arthur whined into his mouth, but didn’t stop kissing back enthusiastically. Merlin kept telling himself just a little more, just a little more. But as terrifying as that jittery, unstable-magic feeling was, kissing Arthur was addictive. It was quite some time later that he finally tore their mouths apart.

Looking down, he felt heat rushing through him at the sight of Arthur, head tilted back on his pillow, breathing harshly, lips stained red, and eyes half-lidded. He didn’t even seem aware that Merlin still had his wrists pinned by his head, but as Merlin looked at them, Arthur followed his eyes.

Immediately, he tensed. Merlin didn’t release him immediately, half afraid he would pull Merlin back down and cause him to lose all self-control. Arthur stared at where his right wrist was held down by Merlin’s hand, and flexed it slightly. When Merlin didn’t release it, he looked back at him. His expression was strange, and Merlin let that wrist go, but kept the other pinned.

Arthur licked his lips, and swallowed heavily, his eyes wider than before. Breathing ragged, he reached up with his hand, cupping the side of Merlin’s face.

“You were holding me down,” he breathed.

Merlin wasn’t sure if he should apologise or not, so he said nothing, turning his head and kissing Arthur’s wrist instead. Arthur watched with a curious expression.

“I shouldn’t like that,” Arthur whispered, seeming surprised with himself.

Merlin didn’t know what to say to that either. Instead, he gently took that wrist back, and lowered it slowly until it was once again pinned to the bed. Arthur’s breath hitched, and their eyes met.

“Are you afraid I’ll hurt you?” Merlin asked, leaning down and brushing their lips together in a featherlight kiss.

“No,” Arthur breathed. “You’d never hurt me.”

Merlin closed his eyes in a grimace. He didn’t think Arthur would think the same once he knew of his magic.

“Merlin?”

Opening his eyes, he caught an unreadable expression on Arthur’s face, and wondered what he had been showing on his own.

“No, Arthur,” he murmured. “I’d never hurt you. I’d sooner hurt myself.”

Arthur’s eyes darted over Merlin’s face, and Merlin expected him to demand that he let him go and leave. Instead, Arthur, relaxed slightly.

“I knew I wasn’t imagining that,” he said. “You have a habit of getting between me and harm, even though you’re helpless in a fight.”

Before he could stop it, anger pulsed through Merlin. He was so sick of everyone thinking that.

“I am not helpless!”

Arthur blinked up at him. Merlin averted his eyes, and slackened the grip he had unconsciously tightened on Arthur’s wrists.

“You’re like a completely different person right now, Merlin,” Arthur said carefully. Merlin looked back, and knew Arthur would see fear on his face. “You’re never like this.”

“Like what?”

Arthur shook his head, his eyes darting around, as if searching for words. Merlin’s eyes moved to where he still held his wrists down. Arthur had still not asked to be let go.

“Serious, firm. You’re so in control, sure of yourself.”

“I’m always sure of myself,” Merlin scoffed. In fact, he was often too loose with his confidence, forgetting, at times, that without anyone knowing of his magic, he really did appear weak and helpless, as much as he hated it. His overconfidence was what had landed him in trouble with Arthur on his first day in Camelot.

“Not like this,” Arthur said slowly.

Merlin assessed his expression again. He really thought he should let him go, but Arthur hadn’t asked. He had no doubt that Arthur would ask, no, demand, to be released when he wanted to be.

“Am I scaring you?” Merlin asked, not sure what to make of Arthur’s expressions or words.

Arthur swallowed. “No. You could never scare me.”

“Because you know I’d never hurt you?”

Arthur nodded, flexing his wrists again. Merlin’s eyes darted to them.

“No jokes?” Arthur asked, a challenging glint in his eyes, but his body tensing as if preparing for pain.

Merlin shook his head. There was nothing funny about Arthur liking the way Merlin was holding him down. It only made him never want to let Arthur go. How much easier if would be to keep him safe if he could control Arthur like that, make him do things, make him stay out of danger?

Merlin leaned down, bumping their noses together gently, and brushing his lips over Arthur’s cheek, and then jaw. He let go of Arthur’s wrists, sliding his hands a little further up to clasp hands with him. Arthur’s breath hitched, and he tilted his head up, trying to kiss Merlin again.

Avoiding his lips, Merlin kissed his neck instead. He was out of his depth. He had heard enough to know what he was doing, but he really didn’t know what he was doing. Arthur had just made himself so vulnerable, admitting that he liked the way Merlin was holding him down, taking control. It wasn’t something Merlin had thought about, and not something he’d been aware he was doing.

Hearing Arthur say that he knew Merlin would never hurt him was like every tight muscle in Merlin’s body relaxed all at once. Even his magic had quietened. Still, he didn’t expect that to stay the same, once Arthur knew.

It felt wrong, to be intimate with him, especially in that way. He had never hated the secret of his magic more. Pressing their foreheads together again, he closed his eyes.

“I can’t do this,” he said weakly.

“If this is about my wound—”

“It’s about my secrets.”

Arthur was silent, and Merlin moved away, settling on his back beside him, and staring up at the canopy of the bed. Arthur brought his hands to his chest, and stroked one wrist thoughtfully. Merlin felt that jittery feeling return. How many times would he skirt around his magic, before he told him? Surely it was inevitable? He’d made it so when he’d told Arthur he had secrets. It would be easier for Arthur to guess now, to watch him and learn that way. Maybe he should just do it, tell him, rather than wait.

“Don’t tell me,” Arthur said quietly.

Merlin turned, frowning. Arthur turned his head also, until their eyes met. “Whatever it is, you’re not ready to tell me.”

“How can you say that?” Merlin asked. “You don’t know what it is.”

“I trust you,” Arthur said, his eyes becoming guarded, his body tensing. It was like he was afraid of what Merlin may think of that. It did nothing but warm him, and make him feel guilty for keeping his magic a secret at all. “You’d never hurt me.”

Merlin closed his eyes, feeling pained from how badly he wanted to tell him. Fingers brushed his face, and he opened his eyes to see Arthur looking sad.

“You didn’t have to tell me you had secrets,” he said, thumbing at the corner of his mouth. “You didn’t have to stop now. That means a lot, Merlin, that you can’t break my trust by hiding things from me completely.”

Merlin caught his hand. “I’d never hurt you,” he murmured. “Your safety means everything to me, Arthur. Everything.”

Arthur’s posture relaxed as Merlin shifted closer again, so their sides touched. His expression softened, and he leaned over and kissed him. It was soft, gentle. It lasted a while, and Merlin had to force himself to stop, even though he didn’t want to. Arthur let him without comment. He pressed a kiss to Merlin’s temple, muttered something about temptation, and then settled.

Arthur had slept all day, and Merlin knew he wouldn’t sleep that night, but he could feel himself starting to drift. Arthur was a warm line against him, and the sound of his breathing was soothing. Closing his eyes, he stayed awake long enough to feel Arthur shift and press closer to him. He smiled as he felt Arthur’s arms encircle him.

The position put pressure on his wound, but he could hear Arthur’s heartbeat, strong and steady.

 

* * *

 

When Merlin woke again, there was news. The knights had returned.

**Author's Note:**

> So the next one in this series should be longer, probably multi-chaptered. I'm just getting started on it now.
> 
> Beta'd by [ylime94](http://ylime94.tumblr.com).


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